Not Like This
by EmilyEcstatic
Summary: Her last thoughts were composed of Serena thinking it was her fault, poor Serena, she would never understand, & Nate, her first love, and her current love, she finally let the darkness take over her, she was surely going to hell.
1. Not Like This

"Ughh, whose idea was it to come to Aspen again?!", Blair screamed. Serena gently smirked but ignored Blair's meltdown.

"B, it's not my fault, Chuck just tagged along, you know how he is."

" I know all too well Serena, don't remind me. Oh crap, here they come, Serena don't say anything you'll regret."

"I could say the same thing Blair…." She was soon interrupted.

"Shhh."

The door to their cabin suddenly opened and there was Chuck Bass in all his glory.

" Honey, I'm home."

"Shut up Chuck and don't call me honey if you want to live to see the next sunrise", Blair snapped.

"_Excuse me",_ he murmured

Of course this happens to me, forced to live with my Serena, my ex-boyfriend and the man I love….** loved. **I tell him I love him three times and he just runs away, and it never gets easier. After the graduation fiasco, Serena thought it would be a good idea for a getaway with the NJBC. Blair was totally against it but Serena's pout and one-of-a-kind laugh won once again. Her thoughts were interrupted when…

"Blair, it's been so long." Chuck tried to play nice but..

"Not long enough", Blair shot back, shoving him in the process.

"Look I know I hurt you again but…"

"But what Chuck…? I confess my feelings **again, **and you brush it off as if it means nothing!"

"Funny you should say that, while I'm off grieving in Thailand, you're screwing my uncle."

"You slept with Vanessa, Chuck! She's my sworn enemy!"

"Jack's my blood, Blair. That _fucking_ hurts."

"Chuck, I'm sorry, you never let me explain…"

"I always knew you were a slut", he snapped at her instantly regretting it.

Tears were welling up in Blair's eyes, but she's heard far worse from her mother let alone Chuck Bass.

"Blair…I…I"

"Chuck, excuse me, I need some air, tell Serena I will be back in time for dinner."

"Blair, wait…" _Bam!_ The door slammed behind her.

She just needed to walk it off. She decided not to take the touristy looking path leading to the commercial town. Blair was not going to lower herself just because of _him._ There was quite a lot of snow; luckily Blair grabbed her black Chanel coat before storming out of the cabin.

Damn, it was cold. She decided that to keep her mind off of the cold wind pounding against her face by softly singing her favorite song.

_"Moon River, wider than a mile, I'm crossing you in style someday."_

That was when Blair finally started crying. So she just went to the next verse_._

"_Two drifters, off to see the world."_

This was not helping. So she decided to try what Chuck had been doing for the past year_, run._

The wind blowing threw her soft brunette curls, the wetness on her face, the shivering, it was all too much. Suddenly, she realized she was on thin ice_, literally. _Even worse, it was cracking. The first thing that brought her back was the shock was the_ freezing water._

"_No!", she choked out. "Not like this", she screamed._

_There was __**no way **__Blair Waldorf was going out like Kate Winslet in Titanic. Anything but this, the snow patrol guys would be working their underpaid jobs, when suddenly they stumble upon a frozen, chilled corpse in the "lake". No-No way. At least all of her problems would be gone, no more tears or stress…but it was still a bad way to go._

_In one last effort she screamed until her throat was raw. She would scream until her throat bled._

"_Please! I-I can't breathe. No!"_

_Her last thoughts were composed of Serena thinking it was her fault, poor Serena, she would never understand. Also Nate, her first love, and Chuck, her current love, __**yes**__- she can finally admit it once more_, but if she kept on living, he would just hurt her again. _She finally let the darkness take over her, she was surely going to hell_.

"Blair? Blair…Blair! Oh-my-God!"

_TBC…_


	2. This Was It

Chuck was nestled by the crackling fire nursing a glass of scotch.

_Shocker._

He deeply regretted saying those hurtful words to Blair. It was just his temper getting the best of him, and it did.

_"I always knew you were a slut."_

He tightned his grip on the glass and took one more gulp and finished it off. She had been gone for quite a while now, he had to find her.

Grabbing his wool coat, he stormed out and wasn't coming back until he found what he was looking for.

The movies were right, the pain you felt was like a thousand knives stabbing into your body, the worst thing you could do was panic. It was also the easiest thing to do. Of course Blair panicked. Flapping her arms, screaming till her throat was raw, uncontrollable thoughts, she was a mess. Just before the last plunge into the icy depths, she managed to say a last "phrase".

"O-ohh G-God, I-I-I love him." she whispered brokenly. Her eyes were going black and all she could do was scream. It was all slowing down.

_This was it. _

The snow was pouring down from the sky but Chuck didn't care. It must've been 10 degrees, again, Chuck didn't care. His mind was racing, maybe she went shopping - no. Maybe she went for a walk, yes, that was it, he knew his Blair. All he could think about was finding her and sweeping her off her feet, kissing her, loving her. These thoughts were cut short when he heard water viciously splashing and scratchy screams. _It was her._

_God, no._

His feet grew wings, he had never run this fast in his life, fearing it would be too late. She would be gone forever, and it would be all his doing. Suddenly his vision was clouded with the sight of a black coat bobbing up and down in an icy lake. Blair. He was especially careful coming upon the patch of ice where she probably broke through. he finally got to her. Shit, it was cold. Her lips were actually blue, her face was as white as a ghost, and she was limp. He cursed the heavens for having done this to her. Then he scooped her up and ran, that was all he could do, run. He had to get her warm and dry, fast.

She suddenly felt warm, not hot, comfortably warm. It hurt to open her eyes, but she didn't care. A man, a handsome man was what she saw. Without thinking, she whispered...

"N--N-Nate?"

Shocked, hurt, scared. Did she honestly think Nate was saving her from her watery grave? She was probably so out of it. He loved her to much to get mad at her. So he clutched her even more tightly and kept reassuring her.

"Blair, it's alright, you're going to be fine..."

"I'm soo cold, and I-I feel so... w-weak.", she forced out.

He was losing her.

He basically kicked open the door and rushed her to the fire, stripped her of her wet garments, and he wasn't even looking. He was really scared. One he got her into a fluffy robe and socks, he picked her up and put her on the couch and piled on as many blankets as he could find. Her hair was allover her face, her teeth were chattering, her eyes were closed but tears seeping through them. She was a disaster. A beautiful diaster.

She opened her eyes to Chuck, the worry spread throughout his dark eyes. Wait where was she?

"W-Where am I?"

He couldn't believe it, she was speaking clearly, almost anyway. he thought he lost her, for good. He was happy yet concerned for what was to come...

"Chuck..." she sobbed

"Blair..." he sighed and grabbed onto her, stroking her back, never ever wanting to let her out of his sight again...

TBC


	3. What Now

The bright morning rays of light shone through the antique, aged windows of the cabin. The fluffy comforter and sweet scent of warm hot chocolate, evergreen, and fresh snow greeted Blair as she awoke in her bed. _How did she get there?_

As she crept out of bed, the noise of the creaking floor and the sharp chill of the winter breeze was enough for Blair to just jump back into the bed and let out a soft giggle. Wow, what a day she had yesterday, almost drowning in a lake of ice. Blair Waldorf was not a girl you just drown in a sea of freshwater and guck. It was hard for her trying to remember what exactly went down last night. All she remembers is basically freezing her ass off and falling asleep by a warm, crackling fire. Who dragged her out of the chilly waters of death into the warm, glow of the cabin? Serena_? No_. Nate_? Definitely Not_. Chuck_? Ha._ Why would Chuck save her after what she did to him, she did deserve to be called a slut, she was just being annoying running away again, always being over-dramatic-no wonder Chuck doesn't love her back. Her thoughts were interrupted when a small knock at her door was heard. Quickly tousling her hair and maneuvering the covers comfortably, she croaked a meek, "come in..".

"Blair..? I was just making sure you were feeling better, and I brought you some hot chocolate because I know you hate coffee because of the caffeine, Is it too cold in here? I can shut the window. Do you need more blankets, fuck I'm rambling. Sorry I'll just go now. I'll be back in a few. Sorry for bothering you." Chuck muttered as he shut the door.

" Chuck w-wait." Too late, as usual. Blair decided she might as well try to sleep again, but sleep could just not find her at all, and even if it did it would just end in a replay of last night, what a nightmare.

A few hours past and Blair decided to get dressed in her black and white lounging robe and take a seat by the fire with a second cup of hot chocolate, this is the last one, what will it to her figure. The smoky fire was a peaceful contrast to the pain and fear she had felt last night. She really could've died. It was almost too late. God, what a way to go, she got chills just reliving it. That's what you call a real near-death experience. Jesus, where was everyone. What a smart bunch of friends she had, you know just leave the girl who almost died all by herself, real genius. So, she just sat there and wallowed in her fear and not-knowing of what would happen next. So much for Chuck coming back, he was probably on a jet back to New York by now, nothing new. Stop being negative Blair, you'll get frown-lines. After contemplating her life a few moments longer, Blair decided to listen to some music to get her mind off of things. iPod Shuffle Time . The first song that came up was Heaven by Bryan Adams. _How fitting_

Oh - thinking about all our younger years .There was only you and me .We were young and wild and free .

Now nothing can take you away from me .We've been down that road before .But that's over now .You keep me coming back for more .

CLICK . Too many painful memories from that song.

Next was Break Your Heart by Taio Cruz . Again, how very fitting. She bought this song because it reminded her so much of Chuck. At one point it was her ringtone for him. Memories. Painful Painful Memories.

Now listen to me babyBefore i love and leave youThey call me heart breaker.I don't wanna deceive you fall for me.I'm not easy to please.I'mma tear you apart,Told you from the start, baby from the start.I'm only gonna break break ya break break ya heart.

At this point she was dancing all around the room completely oblivious to the world around her and the dark figure watching her from the shadows. She even started to sing really loud to see if anyone was there to make her stop. God, she loved moments where she could be her true self where no one was watching, or so she thought as she was spinning around in a big finale to her song she banged directly into the wall and her eyes completely connected with Chuck's How embarrassing.

" Chuck . Wow, I didn't even see you there, uh, I-I'm a feeling little tired, I'll see you later." Smooth Blair, real smooth. Stuttering, classy.

"Blair. You don't have to leave, do you want to talk about what happened yesterday?" Chuck asked carefully.

"Oh no no Chuck it's really fine, I'm fine, nothing to worry about, just a little slip through the ice, no biggie."

"Just nothing? Blair you almost died, you were practically shivering like fucking Kate Winslet in Titanic in my arms as I carried you out." Chuck was getting angry now.

_**So it was him. Figured.**_

"Chuck don't be so dramatic, I was completely capable to find a way out on my own."

"Like hell you did, you were almost fucking dead when I found you, I was terrified, you really scared me!"

"Well you know what Chuck, you really hurt me ! Maybe I wanted to die, did you ever think about that for one second, god all you think about is how scared you were, I was a little scared too Chuck considering I was submerged into ice water. I was so close to just giving up and sinking beneath the surface but you had to come and save me! You should've just let me drown, save everyone else the trouble of having to deal with the tagalong also known as Blair Waldorf."

With that she charged out of the room leaving a stunned Chuck Bass in her wake, the only sound he could make out was the sharp sound of her door slamming and locking. Locking him out and locking her whole world out.

This is really short but I wanted to write another chapter for you guys . Also I'm looking for someone to proofread these for me, and make them better than this unacceptable crap, but I've realized that if you guys review, the more inspired and creative I get with these updates, also if you have any questions or suggestions, just put them in the review or private message me . Love you x o x o .


	4. How Did This Happen

She locked the whole world out. Everyone who ever disappointed her. Every person who was stronger than her, in her mind was now inexistent. She slid down the back of her door, cradling herself in her arms. Damn, it was too hot in this cabin. Too many blankets, too many clothes, and too many distractions. Quickly, and quite crazily she ripped off all of the blankets off of her bed. She tore of the most important layers of her clothing and left them abandoned on the wooden floor. Her silent tears falling and making slight thuds as they hit the ground. She slowly made her way to her bed, got under the covers, and wanted it all to go away. When did everything get so messed up? Why did things have to end up this way? She has lost everything that made her special. All of her hopes and dreams now shattered into nothing. No, all she can do is wait for something better to come along and salvage her wasted, broken life.

Chuck sighed and ran his rough hands through his hair. He couldn't believe the things she had said. She wanted to die? She's Blair Waldorf, the most beautiful, smartest, unique woman he's ever known. She has everything going for her, except Yale of course. But everything has a way of working itself out. Maybe NYU could work…well maybe not so much. Of course, he loved her, but all the shit he's been through, it doesn't seem right for them to be together right now. They would both just sink even lower than they thought possible. He can still remember the days when she would always come to him for help. All of the take-downs, social destructions, and scheming were a thing of the past. She would always come to him – and him, her for advice or help. They did this because they both knew they thought exactly alike, no matter how much they wanted to deny it. If there was a perfect match, it was those two. So, Chuck decided to lie down on one of the soft, suede couches by the fire. Man, if he hadn't seen her in the water…that was a dark thought.

He can imagine it. Dark clouds, dark couture, and dark personalities all doing the 'polite' thing and showing up to Blair's funeral to make it into The New York Times. It's disgusting. Serena would be beside herself walking along the gravelly path with Nathaniel stroking her arm. Humphrey would probably be trailing behind them with jealous eyes. And him, his eyes would be bloodshot from lack of sleep, his breath would be horrid with the amount of alcohol consumed, and his heart would be broken. Not from the loss of her, but from all of the regrets and chance of seeing her ever again, loving her again – gone forever. He would be wavering over the grave. His face was void of all emotion.

_ Blair Cornelia Waldorf_

_ 1991-2009_

His eyes shot open and he jumped up from the couch. Horrible dream, the ones where they seem so real you wake up and your eyes are sealed from the tears. He needed his friend back, if he couldn't have her for himself, he wanted their friendship back. He had missed her. He hadn't even let her explain about Jack properly. He just passed judgment as always and hurt her. He decided that the best thing to do was keep distant, and let her come to him, let her explain, and go slow. If he went too fast, it would ruin everything.

The next day, Serena and Nate were sitting at the counter in the kitchen. Serena clutched the orange juice tightly and pressed her fingers into her forehead.

"My poor, B. Nate what can we do? She's probably horrified." Serena smoothly asked. "We wait, Serena, the best thing to do is to keep waiting for her to come out of her room, and she locked us out anyway." Nate answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world. His face was a mixture of confusion and happiness. They call it 'Nate-fused'. "We wait?!" Serena screeched as she knocked over her OJ and stood up abruptly. "Wait?! My best friend almost died, and you want me to just sit here and let her weather this storm alone? She's done so much more, this is the least I could do, and the least you can do Nate. How many times has Blair covered for you when you were late for dinner with the Captain? How many times did she keep your stash of weed in her third drawer? She's our best friend, she's part of us. She needs us, so you know what, if you want to just sit here staring off into space, that's fine. I'm going to help my best friend for once. Maybe you could do the same…" Serena whispered the last part hoping he would realize Chuck was wallowing in the corner of the adjoining living room nursing another glass of scotch, and it was only 11 am. "I guess you're right." Nate replied finally getting the message. "You guess?" Serena slyly countered while pushing her chair in. "No, you're absolutely right. Blair's been there for me through all of my shit. More than I can even count. You should try and coax her into unlocking that door." Nate responded while kissing her on the cheek and leading her out of the room.

The bright lights speared through Blair's eyes. She stretched her arms past her head and reached her legs out of the bed. She was freezing now. She pranced into her closet and slipped on her Yale sweatshirt. It smelled like home, her hydrangeas, and her real life. She didn't belong here with them. They could handle it here. She was too weak. Why is life so cruel? She pounced back into the bed. She snuggled up with her purple pillowcase and sniffed her favorite sweatshirt. Humming to herself, she realized something…

"Moon river, wider than a mile…"

She didn't have to think about this right now. Her space and quiet was all she needed. She could think about this tomorrow. She's going to make things right, even if it means doing the impossible.

Thank you guys so much for sticking around, and to new readers, welcome! Reviews inspire me to update more frequently, and it only takes about 20 seconds of your time, so why not? Also, I'm thinking of some new stories for collabs, if you have any suggestions please let me know. Please do the poll on my page, and let me know your thoughts on GG, what do you think will come with these last three episodes...

Love, Emily


	5. Why Me

Blair sat outside on the wrap around like porch cradling a mug of hot chocolate. She had a flannel blanket wrapped around her. Now she was just gazing around the breath-taking landscape. In only a few weeks, all of this snow would melt to reveal grass and beautiful flowers would thrive throughout the spring months.

Sighing, she took a quick sip of her beverage. She drank it a bit too fast, and burned her mouth. Coughing to ease the pain away, she caught the attention of a confused Archibald.

"You okay?" Nate inquired, he had just passed her at a weird time, her face was bright red, and she was making huffing noises. It was always him her caught her in strange instances, either her drunk, crying drunkenly to a movie, or laughing embarrassingly. It was always him, why, he had no clue.

"Don't stare, Archibald, it's isn't becoming."

"Sorry, you looked a bit perplexed; it was kind of refreshing considering your silent treatment these past few days." Nate shrugged and nodded his head trying to ease her way into the conversation.

"I did not look perplexed, I wasn't perplexed. I'm not that kind of girl okay, Nate?! Please stay out of this and leave me alone!" Blair finally was snapping. At least, he was getting some type of emotion out of her.

"Alright, I surrender." He even put both hands up.

"But, seriously Blair, once you're ready to speak up, let me know. I wanna help, really."

She smiled at how naïve this boy was. He couldn't help her, no one could. She put her drink down and made herself more comfortable, and stared off into the scenery.

"Would you please leave?'"

She always did this. This was her way of shutting everyone out. Making them seem like she wasn't their first priority or that she wasn't worth saving.

She was worth saving, a hundred times over. She was Blair Waldorf.

So, he did what he was asked, and left. He stepped into the house to find a sullen Chuck and worried Serena.

"Anything…?" Chuck asked hopefully. Any change in her behavior, any…hope?

"What did she say?" Serena blurted out, simultaneously. She missed her friend, even when she was sitting right outside the door, in her own little movie world.

"She asked me to leave her alone, it seems like she doesn't want to accept our help right now, but she will, eventually…" Nate said trying to convince himself.

"No. She won't, she had too much pride, and she's too damn stubborn. She ruined as far as we know. If she doesn't show any interest in your help, you're going to have to intervene. She won't want my help; you two are our best chances." Chuck explained pointing to the blonde pair.

"Alright, 2 days, that's it." Serena agreed. She needed B. Who was she going to braid hair with and talk about boys and scandalous secrets with? Only, Blair, only her B.

They both cleared out of the rooms after finalizing their plan. Only Chuck was now left in the room, the curtain was open revealing a Blair staring out into open fields, through the window. He felt strange how he could see her, but she wasn't aware. He felt like he was violating her space, so he got up to leave but then he saw something that broke his heart, if it could break anymore.

Out of the corner of her eye, and solitary tear fell. It was almost as if she was telling him something. But the tear slid down her face and ended at an angry purple mark on her neck. What the hell? Who in their right mind would lay a hand on his girl? They were going to wish they had never been born.

His face turned red from all of the suppressed anger building within him. The vein in forehead was throbbing and you could've sworn you saw steam coming out his ears. He didn't waste any time when he didn't think before he acted, he stormed outside in an angry rage and grasped Blair's arms, stunning her to silence and fear.

"Who did it? Tell me, right now, who did it?" He shouted, not thinking about how frightened she must be. She cowered away scared and confused.

"W-What?" Blair stuttered, what was he talking about, who did what?

"Don't 'what' me Blair, I see it", he pointed at the angry bruise and accidentally poked it, and she flinched away in pain.

"Ahh! What the fuck is wrong with you." She screamed covering herself.

"B-Blair, I'm s-sorry, I didn't mean to touch it, who gave you the mark? Tell me, or I will find out. That is not a threat, it's a damn promise." Chuck seethed, angrier at himself than her.

"It was a little thing called rock hard ice. When I slipped through, a piece of ice hit me, and what do you think I do, go whoring on the weekends and let random pimps beat me up. What the hell, Chuck?!" Blair stated trying to force him away from her, his hands still locked on her wrists.

"Blair, you know it's not like that, it never was, you know me, I can't handle anger well- at all. I-I just got overwhelmed and took it out on you. I thought someone did something to you, I'm sorry, my mistake."

"You seemed pretty enraged. Quick question, what would you have done to the guy?" Blair asked sarcastically. She was starting to cover up the mark, feeling really self conscious.

"To be blunt, I would give him an ultimatum, leave the country permanently, or be killed with my bare hands."

"Oh, wow, that's sweet I'm touched." She was really in a sarcastic mood today.

"Actually, you're not 'touched' and that takes a load off of my shoulders."

"Why do you care so much about what others do to me? I can take care of myself, just fine."

They both knew that wasn't true.

"Well, it's just that, you're uh, you're special to me. I owe you that much."

"Oh, so you feel like you're indebted to me for caring about you, so you act like you give a damn so you can feel like you have a clear conscious? And don't even say it isn't like that because it is. That's all I needed to hear from you. Good day."

She slammed the door into the house and locked the door to her room, and quietly crept into her bathroom and shut the door.

Chuck stood there breathless, what she just said was so far from the truth, it was almost funny. Maybe tomorrow, he would finally get through to this girl.

Blair examined her mauve bruise in the dim light of the bathroom. It wasn't that bad, he really overreacted. She traced the mark and felt a wince of pain. A tear rolled down her cheek, and she was finally breaking down and wearing thin.

"What's happening to me?" She whispered painfully to herself.

She traced the mark and wanted the pain again. She winced even more this time.

"Oh God."

She kept doing this repeatedly until she felt nothing, and finally went back to bed for ages.


	6. Bittersweet Reunion

Tapping her foot, Serena waited outside of Blair's door. It was locked and Serena had the perfect plan to sit Blair down and talk to her, ease her pain. She knew Blair woke up around nine in the morning and it was almost quarter to nine, so she still had some time to think about the upcoming day.

Serena missed her old friend. She missed their late night Audrey sessions and their talks about boys or what lip shade suited their skin-tone the best. Now, all Blair did was walk around aimlessly then go into her room, lock the door and repeat the same routine the next day.

She knew both boys were going to sleep into the afternoon. She had told Nate about her plan and Nate was supportive, she assumed Nate would tell Chuck, so she had left him alone.

Hearing the rustling of the comforter and a few groans from the sunlight, Serena knew her friend was awake. So, she waited until the door opened to reveal a tired-looking Blair. She was rubbing her eyes and had no make-up on, but looked radiant nonetheless.

"Serena? What are you doing up, it's early?"

"I am up, B because we are going shopping!"

Serena squealed as she pulled out two silver credit cards and smiled behind them. Blair tilted her head and furrowed her eyebrows.

"You do realize, we are in a cabin right? And I don't think we'll find a Fendi or Ferragamo anywhere Serena." Blair giggled at her friend's innocent face, she appreciated the gesture she really did, but Serena could be clueless sometimes.

"So? There are plenty other stores to rummage through, and what do you need Ferragamo pumps for here?"

Blair held up one finger."First of all, Blair Waldorf doesn't rummage." Serena nodded trying to hold back a smile. "And secondly, I know we are in Aspen, but couture dresses, vintage pumps, here in Aspen there are always charity dinners, and especially Aspen because of the nature. If God forbid, Blair Waldorf was seen at a Save the Owls dinner, I would hope she would be wearing something to do her justice."

"Okay, you have officially lost it, we're going now, get ready."

"Fine." Blair bit out. "But if you must know, I lost it a while ago when I fell into that damn lake! Give me fifteen minutes."

The door slammed behind her, A Blair Waldorf tradition.

* * *

Fifteen minutes passed, and as Blair said she would, she came out of her room looking refreshed and ready to go, in a black, tweed coat and burgundy tights finished off with her smallest black heels. She would not be breaking anymore ice.

"Shall we?"

Blair held out her arm to Serena who gladly locked her arm into hers.

"We shall."

* * *

Four hours later after buying up all of downtown Aspen's finest clothing, Blair and Serena sat in a local restaurant enjoying a small lunch.

Blair ordered a salad with a light Italian vinaigrette and Serena settled for a bowl of chicken soup with a small piece of bread.

"That's all you're going to have, B?"

Her deep blue eyes showed concern and Blair just waved her off.

"Yes, I'm not even that hungry, all this stress makes me feel full and sick all of the time."

"Talk to me, B."

Serena reached out her hand and Blair reluctantly took it from across the table. Serena's eyes urged her to speak and so Blair gave in.

Clearing her throat, she began. "It's just so hard. All of my feelings are going haywire, and no it's not hormones, S." Serena smiled and let her continue."For a while when I was in the water, a part of me didn't want to be rescued, a part of me just wanted to not feel the hurt anymore." Her throat was closing up and tears were welling up in both of their eyes.

"I-I just wanted to make everything easier for all of you. Bringing me along anywhere is basically bringing excess emotional baggage, and I know that. I don't know, and when Chuck," she closed her eyes," When Chuck pulled me out, I-I was so delirious, I think I called him Nate, he must hate me for that, it wasn't intentional at all. After I was back in the cabin, he helped me out of my wet clothes by the fireplace and we just embraced each other, no questions asked."

Serena was wiping tears from her eyes and was rubbing circle on Blair's hands letting her know she understood and was there for her.

"These past days, I keep thinking about what would be different, if he hadn't found me. If things would go back to the way they used to be like. But also, you know how they say when you're about to die, you're life flashes before your eyes?"

Serena nodded and Blair took this as a sign to continue.

"Well, it is somewhat like that except mine was so short and you only see the parts where you felt the most emotion, good or bad."

Serena paled knowing what Blair meant by that. She had seen a fair share of Blair's emotional memories beginning from when she returned from boarding school in junior year and now this.

"It was strange because it started with memories of you and me during our preteen years; we were so happy and carefree. Then it went to when you left, I didn't know what I had done wrong to make you leave, but you know the rest. Strangely enough, there weren't any flashes of Nate because I never felt any type of emotion except annoyance or hatred towards myself. The ones with Chuck", she closed her eyes again and her lip quivered," were so overwhelming, I felt the passion and thrill for the chase all over again. But then it was all gone and you get that grim reminder that it would be the last time you remember you see those moments and you are sent to cold, miserable fate."

The silence between them was deafening and Blair realizing the awkwardness stabbed a piece of lettuce and began chewing it politely. She took her napkin and dabbed her eyes, pretending like their whole conversation had never occurred.

"I'm glad you talked to me about it."

Serena dabbed her eyes also, and offered her napkin to Blair who graciously took it. All of this compassion was making Blair think more. Her head lifted up to meet Serena's.

"We've really come a long way, haven't we?"

Blair looked nostalgic waiting for Serena's reply. Serena instantly glowed feeling Blair's acceptance towards her.

"We did, and Blair…I really am sorry for leaving, I was just so lost, and didn't know what to do, what place to go, how to move on from what I had done."

"I know the feeling." Serena looked down knowingly, but Blair reached over and grasped Serena's face. "Hey." She positioned her face to meet hers. "I forgive you, you came back. You helped me, when I couldn't help myself. You were there for me when I needed someone that wasn't going to hurt me or screw me over. You're my best friend, we're sisters."

Serena gave Blair a watery smile.

"I love you, B" Serena whispered through her tears.

A single tear made a path through Blair's blush and she smiled back.

"I love you too, S."

But while in their most emotional embrace, Blair couldn't help but think about Serena would never know the feeling of telling someone those precious words, and never hearing them back.

AN: I am aware that most likely there is a Fendi or Ferragamo in the wealthier part of Aspen but let's just keep it this way. Thank you for reading the chapter, if you review I might be able to finish the next one in the next couple of days. Your reviews and opinions motivate me. If you haven't already read my newer stories, please do and let me know what you think about them. Thanks again. Love you all. -Emily.


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